For many people, fear holds us back from having the lives we truly desire, blocks us from daring to dream and actually step out into the future we know we deserve.
Yet, fear is real.
It grips up and controls us from moving forward.
It tells us stories that are not true about ourselves and becomes so loud that we start to make the lies our truths. From there, we begin to disbelieve in our unique abilities and even shut them down as we feel we may never measure up.
WHAT IS FEAR ANYWAY?
The definition of fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain or a threat.
The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” – Nelson Mandela
To create the life of your dreams, many coaches will tell you to:
· Think positively
· Use affirmations
· Use the Law of Attraction
· Write out your sparkly new vision in a journal
· Set up a vision board
All of this sounds good, yet I’m afraid most of it is an exercise in futility, unless you complete one very important step prior to all of the above.
YOU MUST DEAL WITH YOUR FEARS!
We live in a world driven by fear. You and I were born into it and every day, we are shown images and words that support the belief of “I am not safe and I am not enough”.
Think of all the tv shows you see that tell us we should drive a high-end expensive car and look a certain way to be successful, and if you don’t have designer luxury pieces in your wardrobe, you’re a major failure!
And that’s only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to our culture and fear.
Fear based thoughts can range from those about yourself, your family, your kids, your pets, where you live and more. Pretty much anything you “do” and want to achieve are probably rooted in fear.
Fear based thoughts can sound like this:
“I’m not going to get the job”
“I’m not good enough”
“We never have enough”
“Things will never change no matter what I do”
They are deflating, eliminating instead of adding to your life and they limit where you are, how much you can grow and keep you stuck in a small box.
How did we get here?
How can you change?
No matter when you were born, our world has been shaped and driven from fear. Your parents probably taught you that “we will never have enough, no matter how much we earn” to “protect” you and show you, that there are limits to what any one person can achieve.
That thought was solidly reinforced from their parents and they imparted it to you.
As our culture changes and technology makes people’s lives easier, we still live in a world where “there is never enough”.
That thought was born from a scarcity and lack mindset vs an abundant and positive thought process stemming from all of the 80,000 thoughts you have per day. 95% of your thoughts are subconscious and your subconscious brain’s only job is to keep you safe.
Your brain has a very limited window of experience it can draw on and the rest of your thoughts are filled with lack thoughts, that it has no desire to make any upgrades too.
Your brain doesn’t care if you are happy or sad, it just wants to make sure you are safe.
You can be poor; the box is checked – your still safe.
Carry on with life.
You can be brutally unhappy; the box is checked – your still safe.
Carry on with life.
The sooner you understand this, the better.
In short, your brain doesn’t “DO” emotions.
As you grew, the world supported your lack mentality and fears, solidifying your personal thoughts on “I am not enough”. “There is not enough so you better get what you want now! It won’t be here when you come back.”
By the time you are ready to secure your first job, you will have long understood that only a few can make really good money at their jobs, and even fewer still actually like what they do for a living.
You and I have learned we have limitations and that we must “struggle” to achieve happiness.
Don’t believe me?
See if any of these phrases resonate with you:
“Not everyone gets to be happy.”
“It’s you against the world”, which creates a feeling of isolation and loneliness.
“You must “Control” yourself and your career. If you don’t, someone else will.”
The need to control comes from a lack of faith.
The definition of Control is the power to influence or direct people’s behavior or the course of events.
We get impatient and upset that things are not working out the way we wanted them to or in the time frame we need to have them work in.
Impatience blocks the universe from giving you what you desire.
If you are impatient, it’s probably because underneath you are afraid of the outcome.
The need to “Control” stems from a lack of faith in the Universe/God/Spirit.
Fear seeps into your stories and beliefs.
What stories do you tell yourself?
1. “I can’t do that, I’m just not smart enough”
2. “I will never be able to learn that!”
3. “I’m just not good enough or talented enough to take that leap of faith”
4. “I don’t think I will be able to earn enough money doing what I love”
Logic, fear and limitation cut you off from Spirit, creativity and flow.
Pain and struggle are not noble and they have no purpose, except to keep you in fear and spinning your wheels, trying to create a new reality with the old playbook.
THE GREATEST BLOCK TO THE PRESENCE OF LOVE, IS FEAR.
What blocks our joy is fear. You choose the fear of this world vs love and joy that are your birthright.
You see the world you have made, yet you do not see yourself as the image maker.
You see yourself as the Chess piece, not controlling the board, and the board is your life.
The problem is not outside, but within.
The stories you tell yourself and you believe are self-limiting and create your beliefs. Your beliefs shape your world.
For years, I shut down my gifts to try and fit into what my family expected me to be.
The stories around my capabilities were strong, yet the fear was stronger.
Living in many places and never fitting in meant that I was always having the rug pulled out from beneath my feet.
In my professional life, I subconsciously self-sabotaged myself at every turn as I was expecting things to go bad, when in fact they were very good.
I had a deep-rooted fear of never being accepted just as I was, and I hated the feeling of being judged.
I’m still working on that one.
All my life, I NEVER believed fear was a good thing. I didn’t think it was in any way, shape or form useful and it needed to be gone.
I just didn’t know how to make it happen.
Then one day, I met a Healer who helped me understand that fear is a tool to be used in a positive way. Fear happens for us, yet once you understand how it works and the illusions it holds, it holds no sway over your life.
It does not disappear, but it does lose its grip.
Your whole energy changes and you can begin to stretch the boundaries of your life and see that the boundaries are only of your own creation.
The limits you set upon yourself are placed there by you – no one else.
Which means that they can also be extinguished and changed, pushed out like a large balloon, going farther than you ever thought possible.
The key is, you must take the first step and the way will appear.
HOW CAN YOU MOVE FORWARD CONFIDENTLY?
Fear will not magically go away.
Yet you control and determine how you want to live your life.
You are the Master of your ship. You must first take back the control you have given away to others over how you want your life to look, feel and be.
That does require you to do some deep soul searching and understand what you want and make a plan to acquire this life – especially when it will, not if but WHEN, it will take some changes, sacrifices and most of all the ability to face your fears.
It will ask that you understand that there are fears, yet you must move forward in spite of noticing them.
I have recently discovered that to move through fear is a skill you can learn.
Here are two tips I can offer you to move through fear:
1 Live in the PRESENT moment
2 Ask yourself: What is this fear trying to teach you?
Let’s unpack this to help you better understanding of fear.
What does live in the present moment mean?
You are in control. It may feel as though you aren’t, yet you are.
Most of our fears come from something that happened in the past.
For example, I have had anxiety around riding my horse, because I had a bad fall a few years ago and broke six ribs.
It was painful and a long recovery and my body healed, yet my mind was still back in that fear state.
Every time I started to mount up, I thought about the past and I was anxious. Physically, my heart would beat so fast I thought it was going to pop out of my chest and my nerves were shot.
I could lie to myself, yet I couldn’t lie to my horse. Horse’s can smell fear as they are prey animals.
I was living in the past and bringing that fear into the here and now.
To move through this type of scenario, you must remember that right now you are not in the past, you are in the present.
When you can focus on just one task at a time, it will keep you grounded in the present, not the past or future.
Right now, you are ok.
You can say just one phrase of one task you are completing at this time.
For example, right now I am safe and in control.
2 The best question you can ask yourself is, “What is this fear trying to teach me?”
If you look at a scenario that is making you full of fear or regret, there is always an underlying lesson life wants you to learn from this situation.
The times where you were in a job interview which looked amazing from the outside, yet your intuition told you “This is not a fit for you” – which you IGNORED – was correct.
Now here you sit, in what looks like a great job, but it is not the right job for you.
You may be less conservative and require a position that allows you to work from anywhere, not chained to a desk.
You didn’t listen to your intuition which is your higher self, and always has the correct answers you need for your life.
You are experiencing this scenario to help you realize that this is not the right fit for you professionally and, more importantly, you need to listen to your intuition.
There is always a lesson for all of your uncomfortable and even debilitating situations life throws at you. We all experience bad jobs, terrible bosses, death of a loved family member or pet, and each of these extremely difficult situations allows us to grow.
It pushes on our imaginary boundaries of what we think we can and can’t do and experience.
Next time you come up against a limiting belief of “I can’t” or I shouldn’t”, I want you to pull yourself into the present moment and ask if that is truly the case right now.
I am betting that you can do a little more, and go a bit farther than you originally thought you could.
I also want you to ask yourself “What is the lesson in what I am experiencing?” This type of question will allow your mind to find the answers and give you a puzzle piece to the bigger picture that is your life.
You came back to earth as a soul to experience and learn exponentially. You are a diving being and you are in control of your life. All you need to do is move towards your gifts and begin to see that in the here and now – you are in control and extraordinary!