I got a call from someone who had a situation she wanted my help with. She had two friends who had the same problem, the only difference was one friend was young and the other was a woman of a certain age.
Here is the scenario:
Woman A is 60 years old and her horse was her everything. Her horse passed away at the ripe old age of 33 and she hasn’t been the same since. She is depressed, can’t get out of bed in the morning and thinks life is at a standstill or even worse there is nothing to look forward too.
She believes that any action that she “should” take will be wrong and talks herself out of taking any action at all, thinking that she is staying right where she is by being actionless.
Woman B is 25 years old and she is in between jobs. She is not where she wants to be professionally and feels she has made some bad decisions in the past that have led her to a place where she has lost her confidence.
She comes up with some great ideas on how to get back on track by changing up her resume and looking for a job she actually likes vs going after money, but an hour later she has talked herself out of making those changes. She fears she won’t ever be able to make the right decision so she stays put and changes nothing.
Or does it?
When you change nothing, nothing changes.
Here’s the deal. Even though these women are at opposite ends of the spectrum in age, they both have the same problem. The same problem that so many people have which can be summed up in one word: INACTION.
But don’t let the inaction fool you. There is a whole thought process behind the decision NOT to take action.
Let’s look at the process of why someone would think that inaction would be a better road than taking action towards their goals.
MOST PEOPLE’S PROCESS
The Great Idea
When you are down on your luck either professionally or personally, many of us take it hard. You may over analyze why you are in the situation you’re in and figure out that you did things the wrong way.
You won’t be able to see any “silver lining” and the only thing you know, is that you need to make a change NOW. The faster the better.
You quickly analyze your actions from the past and find one thing that may have worked for you and gave you some success. Your mind stops and creates one “amazing” idea that will probably be the Hail Mary you need to get you back on track to success.
Since you know you are down, you are ready to put this “great idea” into action asap.
This leads too…
The OverThinking Syndrome
I don’t know if there really is an overthink syndrome, I make it up, but it is a real part of the process that so many of us go through.
This is the part where you have a great idea that you just KNOW will work and then one millisecond after you have the great idea – your brain locks on the “What If” thought process.
This is where you overthink and come up with every reason in the world as to why your idea won’t be successful.
It can be something real like “I don’t have enough experience to pull this off” or as ridiculous as “Everyone will laugh at me if I fail”.
This over thinking stage will STOP any momentum you had in your great idea phase.
In comes the Hesitation Phase…
When you are in this state, you have come up with your great idea, you have immediately decided that this great idea is too risky or that you may not be able to accomplish it and you are now in full hesitation mode.
When you hesitate, all momentum is lost.
You are now effectively stalled on the runway and even though your plane may have gas and perfectly good landing gear, YOU DON’T BELIEVE THE PLANE WILL FLY.
So you stop dead. In. your. Tracks. And. Hesitate.
This brings us full circle to FULL RESISTANCE MODE…
You have now made your mind up that the great idea is a dud, and that it will never work for whatever reason, that has made you stop, hesitate and CRUSH the idea that could have changed your life.
This is the equivalent of building your very own, super special indestructible box that is so perfect, you can’t get out of it.
It’s important to note that every day you have a chance to do something different and try something new that may work perfectly in your life.
Yet so many of us, yours truly included, recreate the box over and over again.
We do this because it is routine at this point, and because unconsciously we are comfortable in that box.
However, a box is still a box and if you put yourself in a box, you can also get yourself out of it.
Before we move onto how to help you get out of the box and start taking positive action towards your goals, it’s important that you know that this process happens in seconds. These thoughts are not something that take you all day to make a decision on. Most of the time you can go from having your great idea to resistance in all of 30 seconds.
Minutes at the most.
Your resistance can also be compounded by not only inner pressure but outer pressure from family and spouses, social media and those who may mean well, but derail you even further by not believing in you.
Side Note: This will be further exaggerated if you have had these “big” ideas in the past and none of them have been either completed or turned out to be positive. In other words, if you have tried different ideas and have never had success, you may get strong pushback from those closest to you.
Don’t give up hope.
This is how you can turn things around.
Before we discuss the steps to eradicating this behavior, you must realize two things.
1 - You and only you are responsible for what you have created in your life. You must take complete authority over your life.
You can’t blame the job, your boss, your spouse, where you live and the “limited” opportunities, the economy etc.
You are responsible for your life. Period.
2 - Every time you decide not to take action, you have made a decision to not only stand still, but go backwards.
This is super important. Many people think that inaction keeps them where they are. That is not true. Inaction will bring you at least 2-3 steps backwards because you have stopped going forwards and have lost any momentum you had.
Inaction comes from procrastination which is when you are here, but want to be there. At the end of the day, inaction means you are now BEHIND where you were to begin with.
Now that we have that cleared up, here is the remedy.
STEP #1 – FORGIVE YOURSELF
This is the step that no one talks about and it’s the first and most important step towards success.
If you have tried many times, even for years to be successful and have not found the happiness and success you crave, I can guarantee that you blame yourself
Yes, you are 100% responsible for your life.
However – you are human. We all make mistakes and you have attempted to reach your goals which is a quality that should be admired.
You are never out of the fight and never out of the race. As long as you are still breathing, you have a chance at turning your life around. It doesn’t matter how old you are, where you live, what your bank account says, and even if you have no connections – none of that matters.
You still have a chance.
But you need to forgive yourself first.
This is a CRUCIAL step towards success.
Give yourself a break, let the past go and begin to BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AGAIN.
STEP #2 – UNDERSTAND WHAT ESSENTIAL ACTION IS
Make a list of actions that will jump start your life.
Taking essential action is any action that moves the needle towards what you want to accomplish.
If you want your own business, it’s any action that moves you closer to having that business.
Here are some actions that will NOT make your business rock: redefining your website, taking photos for Instagram etc.
In contrast, these actions will help your business thrive: Reaching out to an influencer to collaborate on a project, asking to get featured in a magazine, emailing your local TV station to see if they want to discuss your business on air.
Do you see the difference?
95% of entrepreneurs who are not where they need to be, spend 100% of their time on actions that will not move their business forwards.
Don’t make this mistake. Make sure that all your actions have an ROI that is positive for you.
Remember: All success starts outside your comfort zone.
The good news is that once you begin to make these types of actions part of your life, they get easier to complete.
STEP #3: RAISE YOUR VIBRATION
Raise your vibration so that you come from a place of abundance and love before you take action.
To make the impact you want to make, you need to come from a strong, positive place.
Imagine if I called to ask you if you would like to interview me for a blog post. If I asked you in a very timid voice “Would you mind, umm, taking a few minutes to talk with me about, umm, some of the new stuff I’ve been working on?”
How would you respond?
Vs “Hi, my name is J.S. and I have an amazing business that I know your readers would be interested in. Can we set up a time to talk next Thursday about how I can help your subscribers be more successful?
There is a huge difference in your voice, mannerisms and how you sound and act when you are in a positive state of mind vs a negative, lack state.
BEFORE YOU TAKE ANY ACTION, MAKE SURE YOU ARE COMING FORM A PLACE OF POSITIVE, HIGH VIBRATION.
STEP #4 - TAKE ESSENTIAL ACTION EVERY DAY TOWARDS YOUR GOALS.
KNOW that when you say things like “I can’t do this”, or “I’m not good enough” and “I can’t figure this out” – you are throwing up serious road blocks to your success.
Your momentum stops when you don’t believe in yourself.
Think of it this way, it’s all a test and when you fail you start over at square one. Again.
Changing your pattern of behavior will be a game changer for you.
You need to recognize the pattern and then change it to one that will work for you instead of against you.
STEP #5 – ASK FOR HELP
No one can be successful on their own. The world is just a better place when you can collaborate with other people.
Ask others for help and help them back.
Put out good vibes into the world and use whatever tools you have available including: Calling on God or Source, Asking your Angels for help, Meditating, Raising Your Vibration, Visualization etc.
Don’t go it alone. It’s not as fun and by asking for help, things will change rapidly.
STEP #6 – BE OPEN TO MANY DIFFERENT POSSIBILITIES SUCCESS CAN BE YOURS
Don’t be connected to only one way you can be successful.
Release the how and what form success comes to you.
When you see success only coming to you one way, it destroys the other millions of ways the Universe can bring it to you.
Be open to all possibilities and change your attitude about the form success comes in.
This will allow you to be surprised about new alliances, new people and products coming into your life.
Success looks different to everyone. The less you care about how it arrives, the faster it gets there.
Please use these six steps to start carving out a path to success. Remember to:
Forgive yourself for anything that hasn’t worked out in the past,
Understand what essential action is
Raise your vibration
Take essential action every day towards your goals
Ask for help and
Be open to different possibilities success can come to you.
By following these steps, you are putting yourself in a great place to have the success you crave.
Let me know how these steps are helping you move forward.