I had a very interesting discussion with a colleague who had the same feelings I had, when it came to owning who you are and expressing your gifts to the world.
For many of us, we have been taught that we are:
· Not good enough
· Not smart enough
· Not pretty enough
· We don’t have enough
· Your gifts are not enough
· You are NOT ENOUGH!!
This can be especially harmful if you are a Healer, an Empath, an HSP or someone who is gifted at working with the interiors of human’s hearts and minds. The changes and shifts are not always immediate, and that adds fuel for those who disbelieve what you can actually achieve with others.
While growing up in a beautiful, loving family I always knew I was different. Yet, my gifts were not embraced easily and were called into question -which would make me doubt my own abilities.
The need to “fit it”, led me to do two things that have hurt me for years:
1 THE CONSTANT NEED TO PEOPLE PLEASE
People pleasing is described as someone who cares a lot about what other people think of him or her and always wants to approved of his or her actions.
This definition sounds like it has ego written into it, when all I wanted to do was be accepted and praised for my internal gifts, that could easily match anyone else’s external gifts. The only difference was, you cannot see mine as they are housed on the inside of my heart and soul.
If you are living your life people pleasing others… PLEASE STOP!!!
This is YOUR time. You and your gifts are to be celebrated because no one can do what you do and no one else can be you, except you.
Your gifts can and will change the world. Make no mistake, you are here on this earth right now so that you can help others raise the vibration.
DISCLAIMER: For many of you who have been people pleasing your entire lives, this will show up as you putting yourself last – every time.
Your parents don’t like your hair? Ok, I’ll just change it back.
Your husband wants you to get a “real job” instead of working as a Creative or in the Healing arts? Ok, I will just put that in a box and go back to slugging it out in corporate – even though you may feel like you are dying a slow death every day.
Here’s the thing:
YOUR GIFTS ARE JUST AS IMPORTANT AS EVERYONE ELSE’S!!!
They are equally important as your spouse’s, your parents, your friends, and your colleagues.
So why do we constantly put ourselves on the back burner?
ANSWER: We have been trained to do this.
We were trained to believe that not all of what we have to say is important.
We have been made to believe that our gifts are not as wonderful as another’s or that we are just like the others – we don’t fit in therefore we must be quiet, subservient and let other’s go in front of us which keeps us silent.
This is not the truth of who and what you are.
YOU ARE MAGNIFICENT! EVERYTHING YOU DO IS AMAZING AND
YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO STAND OUT AS MUCH
AS THE NEXT PERSON FOR JUST BEING YOU!
2 I LEARNED HOW TO MORPH INTO ANYONE YOU WANTED ME TO BE – ANYONE THAT IS - EXCEPT MYSELF!
The need to be accepted and fit in drove me to change into anyone that YOU wanted me to be so that I would be loved and accepted by others. This is a gift and curse at the same time.
I learned to do this effortlessly, so well in fact that at times I didn’t even realize it was happening.
For example, if you needed someone confident and assertive – that’s the person you would see.
If you wanted to work with a Creative who was non-judgmental – that is who would be standing in front of you.
It came to be that I always felt I was wearing a mask and that the mask changed depending on who I was talking too.
This will not serve you.
If you are consistently changing your traits and tendencies to fit other people’s ideas of who you are, you are losing yourself in the process.
You are not being your authentic self and no one can keep up the charade forever.
It wasn’t until a few years ago while working in the corporate arena that I was told “Your uniqueness is not appreciated here!”, that I finally learned my lesson.
All of what I do, my gifts, and who I am are enough.
I am enough and if others don’t see me as being good enough, then I am in the wrong place.
If someone does not see your value, it is time to move on. This includes spouses, cutting people out who are toxic to you and those who are colleagues and even life-long friends.
I know I am being tough here, yet it is crucial for you to KNOW YOUR WORTH and if someone close to you does not see your magnificence – let go.
Ultimately, your talents and gifts are your birthright.
You were created to be who you are, not someone else. You are special and you are someone who can change the world, yet you must be you, not a watered-down version of you showing up as another human.
EXERCISE: If you struggle with people pleasing, look inward and ask yourself this question:
Where do I feel unworthy?
Why do I feel this way?
Track back any and all events that will clearly show you where you have felt betrayed, abandoned, where you didn’t fit in, embarrassed and frustrated when you were ACTING AS YOUR AUTHENTIC SELF.
Once you have identified these areas, ask for help from your Guides, God, Spirit etc. to help you release these old patterns and forgive - not only those who wrongly judged you, yet also forgive yourself for continuing the same patterns.
This does take work, yet I can tell you it is one of the most freeing exercises I have ever done.
Remember: YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH! YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH! YOU ARE AN AMAZING HUMAN AND YOU ARE LOVED AND PROTECTED. SHINE YOUR LIGHT AS ONLY YOU CAN AND THE WORLD WILL TAKE NOTICE!
Julie